For anyone who’s new year’s resolution is such a distant memory that you cannot remember even what it was that you set out to do, perhaps the issue is more to do with where you started from than where you were aiming to get to.
It all stems from the thinking that spurs the action and these two starting points are at polar opposites in terms of the thinking that spurs the action.
Resolutions come from the world of lack. They are borne from a view that we are not good enough, that we have flaws and that there is something implicit within us that needs resolving. Resolutions and their thinking look something like this:
I need to lose weight – I am fat and ugly (or worse unloveable)
I need to go to the Gym more – I am lazy and becoming a slob
I need to read more books – I am being overtaken by more agile and vibrant minds, I look stupid and uneducated
For all these resolutions – and these are the top three that are made, the view is that we have something lacking in our essential make up and only by showing dissatisfaction with our current position can we move to a more satisfying one. But the fuel that moves us is dense, heavy and frankly not very motivating at its core. And that’s why resolutions tend to run out of steam pretty quickly.
However setting intentions, has a much higher success rate. They come from a standpoint of opportunity and abundance. In this place we view the world as an endless flow of possibilities from which to choose goals. There is also a strong desire for change here, but it is not paired with negative internal dialogue about ‘being good enough’. Because the fuel behind these goals is essentially more positive (& therefore motivating) they stand a much greater chance of success.
And the lesson here is the same for all change no matter if it is an individual intention, or a wide-scale transformation for a global company; that if we are more supportive and encouraging from the outset, we are more able to cope with setbacks and challenges in a constructive way and overcome problems more effectively.
So if you are starting with a goal in your life that you want to achieve and you are struggling to do so, here are some things that might help you along a different path.
- Start by thinking about what is really motivating you towards your goal. For example if it is about losing weight, what is the reason why your current weight and body shape needs to change.
- Take some time to reflect and go inward and really listen to the reasons behind your need. As the thoughts start to take shape notice if any of them are negative.
- If you hear ‘I’m too fat.’ ‘Nobody will like me / find me attractive looking like THIS’, notice the thoughts as they arise and rather than letting them take hold – just say inwardly ‘Interesting. I wonder where that though came from’. Don’t dwell on it and stay in a reflective and calm state of mind as you notice different thoughts arising.
- As you allow the negative thoughts to dissipate, stay in a quiet reflective mode until you hear more encouraging thoughts arise.
- These might sound something like ‘Well it would be better for my health’ ‘I’ll be able to do more for myself/ my kids/ with my partner, if I am slimmer’. These are thoughts without judgement but with clarity and if you remain inwards you will notice a lighter feeling in your heart and perhaps a little buzz of excitement as a level of motivation comes behind the thoughts.
- Go with it. This is the path to intention. And if you develop it in yourself and believe in it, you will succeed.
- The other thing that will help you to stick to your intentions is to write a journal. When we write down our intent, it has a powerful multiplying affect in our psyche, allowing us to feel the reality if a goal, through the process of articulating it and recording it. It will also be a line in the sand that you can use to review your progress.
Share your experiences with achieving your goals here. Have you found that some things are easier to achieve than others. Get in touch if you would like help to get over those self limiting beliefs by emailing us at firstname.lastname@example.org.